discovery

so we found where The Mouse is bunkered down - in our guest bathroom (which shares a wall with the garage, so i guess that's how he got in) in the vanity cabinet. we discovered this by opening the door to get another roll of toilet paper, and lo! a small snowstorm was blizzarding inside the cabinet, with the piteous remnants of a t.p. roll lolling about inside. what i'm honestly impressed with is the mouse's apparent devotion to his task - this was no puny little public-bathroom-paper-thin roll of toilet paper. this was a charmin double roll, extra soft and plush, which is something fierce when it comes to shredding.

but sho'nuff! he did it! shredded the entire ding dong roll! it was amazing. the whole bottom of the cabinet looked like the north pole. i bet his mouse biceps were downright rippling after that exertion. i can see him now... "they're all asleep! quick, shred! shred! shred!" chanting to the rhythm of his workout tape.

(what? you didn't know mice had workout tapes? of course they do. "tails of steel"...."beadier eyes in 10 days"....and of course, the ever popular "10 minute cheese abs.")

so, The Mouse apparently likes Toilet Paper and made himself quite the mouse pad. i'm sure it's a big hit with all the girl mice - "oh this? just a little slice of home. here, have a roll. what? yeah. it's a double roll. ah, it was nothing. c'mere baby, feel my muscles."

so we are going to set out a trap with some organic, free-range, shelled-without-cruelty peanut butter in the bathroom, see if we can capture him and set him free, free in the Great Wild Beyond, free to roam and romp, to feel the wind in his little tiny fur, to twitch his ears and laugh his tinny mouse laugh, to smell the flowers, to run in super-mouse-slow-mo, then be eaten by a hawk or something.

boy, being a mouse would suck.